Finally, the truth

Fallon Kid said:

Guns needing to be removed from public hands. OLDE NUMBER NINE:
Needs no introduction as even the youngest school kids know the history of Olde Number Nine. This history has been available for over 250 years but I think a rehash of how this all came to be is important to understand why this is being suggested for the “ban it Now list” We all know the story of Maximillian Flint who was trying to solve a problem raging across European cities in the late 1600’s and 1700’s. This problem raged as far north as Norway, to southern Spain and even as far west as South Bend. ‘How to get that pesky middle Vienna sausage out of the can’. Maximillian tried to invent a device with a barrel and low pressure system that could be gently pushed down over the sausage and then expelled with a small puff of smoke. It did not work as planned as the surrounding delicacies experienced too much damage for an acceptable presentation at formal dinners. Also the expulsion mechanics were way too expensive for just one fine sausage. Additionally another inventor (B. Hunter Brandon) had had modified his product, ‘The Brandon Weiner Dipper’ to take care of these soft and mushy delights. Leaving Mr. Flint broken and humbled.
All was not lost on this idea, as an apprentice working for Mr. Flint thought this could be used as a ‘popper’ or noise maker for New Year Eve and Arbor Day. Mr. Frank Locke thought by increasing the sausage expulsion propellant and putting a cork in the muzzle of the long pipe, a crowd pleasing ‘pop’ could be enjoyed by young and old alike. Mr. Locke tried this at an Arbor Day BBQ and the result upset most of the guests due to the noise and foul smoke generated. While Frank was bent over with the dry heaves, one of the Spanish guests attending the party Senor Raphael Rifle saw his chance and stole the noise maker, still known as Olde Number Nine. Raphael thought by increasing the sausage expulsion propellant even more and sticking one of his kids marbles in place of the cork, he would have a new parlor game called “what the hell was that”. Raphael first tried this game on his wife and the fragile marble shattered in a million pieces of glitter covering her face. Needless to say when she went into town she was such a hit and never returned home. Raphael was not discouraged and took the lead ball off the end of the baby’s pacifier. It was a bit small to fit snugly down the barrel and would just roll out to the ground, so Raphael cut a corner off the baby’s diaper, wrapped it around the lead ball and jammed it down the barrel. Walla!! It looked too good to be true but during all the preparations Raphael forgot how much sausage expulsion propellant he had dropped down the barrel. When he fired this bad boy off, parts of the interior walls were missing. Frank Locke continued to perfect this device and we all know there is only so many corners on a diaper before you get to the ‘mother load of a diaper that only a mother could love’ As stated before, Mrs. Locke left and was touring local towns and cities billed as ‘The Glitter lady’.
Frank used all the diaper and this is first historical use of the term ‘shoot the Cranberries’ and is no way connected to sailors talking while at sea. The rest is history as this is how the “Flint Lock Rifle” was finally developed.
NUMBER NINE: Now that we have the history, we all know this rifle could project a lead ball 75 to 100 yards and kill or wound another person, by not very accurate. A patched lead ball is nothing to scoff at but what makes this rifle so deadly and needs to be banned today was the advent of the Minnie ball. This was a bullet design invented by one of the first women weapon gunsmiths, Minnie Ball. It changed the shape of the bullet from a round ball to a conical projectile with a hollow base and fit perfectly down the barrel and did not need a corner of a baby diaper. And unknown to Ms. Ball at the time, the reason this Minnie ball worked and was deadly accurate was due to a spin or rotation put on the bullet when fired. When Raphael Rifle was doing his testing for his parlor party popper guessing game, he scratched up the interior of the barrel extensively leaving deep groves know today as, rifling. The Minnie ball was used during the civil war and caused many a death and horrible wounds. When President Lincoln first became aware of the use of the Minnie ball all he could respond with was, “come on man” We all know how that ended. For these reasons you must contact anyone in power and get rid of this flint lock rifle before we have to endure another 300 years of this implement of mass destruction.
And maybe a little off subject, but what do you use to wash a bar of soap?

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Fallon Kid said:

Guns needing to be removed from public hands. OLDE NUMBER NINE:
Needs no introduction as even the youngest school kids know the history of Olde Number Nine. This history has been available for over 250 years but I think a rehash of how this all came to be is important to understand why this is being suggested for the “ban it Now list” We all know the story of Maximillian Flint who was trying to solve a problem raging across European cities in the late 1600’s and 1700’s. This problem raged as far north as Norway, to southern Spain and even as far west as South Bend. ‘How to get that pesky middle Vienna sausage out of the can’. Maximillian tried to invent a device with a barrel and low pressure system that could be gently pushed down over the sausage and then expelled with a small puff of smoke. It did not work as planned as the surrounding delicacies experienced too much damage for an acceptable presentation at formal dinners. Also the expulsion mechanics were way too expensive for just one fine sausage. Additionally another inventor (B. Hunter Brandon) had had modified his product, ‘The Brandon Weiner Dipper’ to take care of these soft and mushy delights. Leaving Mr. Flint broken and humbled.
All was not lost on this idea, as an apprentice working for Mr. Flint thought this could be used as a ‘popper’ or noise maker for New Year Eve and Arbor Day. Mr. Frank Locke thought by increasing the sausage expulsion propellant and putting a cork in the muzzle of the long pipe, a crowd pleasing ‘pop’ could be enjoyed by young and old alike. Mr. Locke tried this at an Arbor Day BBQ and the result upset most of the guests due to the noise and foul smoke generated. While Frank was bent over with the dry heaves, one of the Spanish guests attending the party Senor Raphael Rifle saw his chance and stole the noise maker, still known as Olde Number Nine. Raphael thought by increasing the sausage expulsion propellant even more and sticking one of his kids marbles in place of the cork, he would have a new parlor game called “what the hell was that”. Raphael first tried this game on his wife and the fragile marble shattered in a million pieces of glitter covering her face. Needless to say when she went into town she was such a hit and never returned home. Raphael was not discouraged and took the lead ball off the end of the baby’s pacifier. It was a bit small to fit snugly down the barrel and would just roll out to the ground, so Raphael cut a corner off the baby’s diaper, wrapped it around the lead ball and jammed it down the barrel. Walla!! It looked too good to be true but during all the preparations Raphael forgot how much sausage expulsion propellant he had dropped down the barrel. When he fired this bad boy off, parts of the interior walls were missing. Frank Locke continued to perfect this device and we all know there is only so many corners on a diaper before you get to the ‘mother load of a diaper that only a mother could love’ As stated before, Mrs. Locke left and was touring local towns and cities billed as ‘The Glitter lady’.
Frank used all the diaper and this is first historical use of the term ‘shoot the Cranberries’ and is no way connected to sailors talking while at sea. The rest is history as this is how the “Flint Lock Rifle” was finally developed.
NUMBER NINE: Now that we have the history, we all know this rifle could project a lead ball 75 to 100 yards and kill or wound another person, by not very accurate. A patched lead ball is nothing to scoff at but what makes this rifle so deadly and needs to be banned today was the advent of the Minnie ball. This was a bullet design invented by one of the first women weapon gunsmiths, Minnie Ball. It changed the shape of the bullet from a round ball to a conical projectile with a hollow base and fit perfectly down the barrel and did not need a corner of a baby diaper. And unknown to Ms. Ball at the time, the reason this Minnie ball worked and was deadly accurate was due to a spin or rotation put on the bullet when fired. When Raphael Rifle was doing his testing for his parlor party popper guessing game, he scratched up the interior of the barrel extensively leaving deep groves know today as, rifling. The Minnie ball was used during the civil war and caused many a death and horrible wounds. When President Lincoln first became aware of the use of the Minnie ball all he could respond with was, “come on man” We all know how that ended. For these reasons you must contact anyone in power and get rid of this flint lock rifle before we have to endure another 300 years of this implement of mass destruction.
And maybe a little off subject, but what do you use to wash a bar of soap?

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Centurion said:

Fallon, that was hilarious from the get-go! You stop by my fire any time and plan to stay awhile! Thanks!

“What the hell was that?!” My sides hurt! Bwaahahaha!

don

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Jim in Wisconsin said:

That Brie Whiz is still hard to get.
I asked at The Cheese Store, but they said they were out. They were out of cheddar too. They had gotten in some nice mozzarella, but the cat ate it.

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Fallon Kid said:

Look up Claude-Étienne Minié. I did a take-off on 'minnie ball' assuming anyone here was well versed. And sorry if some don't get my humor. I don't get it sometimes myself but still able to laugh.

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smoothshooter said:

Have you been drinking?

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