More Govn't BS

This is a very good reply to the Govn't :crackup:


Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or
contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a
couple of beavers are in the (unauthorized) process of constructing and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Sprin
Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their damproject, I
think they would be highly offended that you call theirskillful use of
natural building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not
think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior
to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is (1) Are you trying to discriminate against
my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this
State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451
of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled
to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation-so the
State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam
concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain
event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the
Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam
names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition -
please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter being unable to read
English), in my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to live and
enjoy Spring Pond.
If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives
up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the
environment
Beavers' Dams.) So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam
case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why
wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then
and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears. Bears
are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not
careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with yourdam request, and
being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
response to your dam office.

Sincerely,

Stephen L.Tvedten

 

[Tahquamenon]

More BS:

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER: A Modern Adaptation

Classic Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

The Modern Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. "America" is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything in their power for the grasshopper, who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers or, as Bill refers to that period, as the "Temperatures of the 80's."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where news stations film the group singing "We Shall Overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to God for the grasshopper

 

[Bob J]

That should be published! :haha: :haha: :hmm:

 

[bob1961]

hey woody this dam thing went around awhile ago and was dam funny then also :crackup: ....thanks fer posting again now so i can copy and paste to have the dam thing fer good :thumbsup: .................bob

 

[vradin]

And another- one of my favorites...

Bill of No Rights

The following has been attributed to Lewis Napper.
------------------------------

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, and delusional.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: That a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone, not just you. You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need. But we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generations of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in government-run health care.

ARTICLE VI
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX
You don't have the right to a job. All of us want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times. But we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

------------------------------

 

[THOM]

Gotta jump in with this -- it tells it like it is --

Hillary "Walking Eagle" Clinton

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval. Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers". At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they came to select the new name given to the Senator.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of manure it can no longer fly :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :bull: :master: :blah:
spring forward ..
limpin'frog :sleep: :sleep:

 

[bob1961]

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of manure it can no longer fly

now if that don't sound Hillary i mean Hilarious :crackup: ....i like that one :thumbsup: :thumbsup: ..................bob

 

[Gary]

Walking Eagle. Gotta love that story. :crackup: