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- Thread starter mikemeteor
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Tom Compton
54 Cal.
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2008
- Messages
- 1,893
- Reaction score
- 193
Praise the lord and pass the roundballs.
God, Guts and Flintlocks.
They'll have to pry my cold dead fingers from my coc .... er flintlock.
God, Guts and Flintlocks.
They'll have to pry my cold dead fingers from my coc .... er flintlock.
Since it is Christmas, I submit these carols to sing. . .
"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Flint Locks,
My Two Flint Locks, Yes My Two Flint Locks"
"Load the Hawken's with patched round balls.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la"
"It's the most wonderful way to take deer.
When you load round balls,
and rattling antler calls,
Brings the big bucks near,
It's the most wonderful way to take deer."
"Rock locks around the Christmas tree
at the Custom Flintlock shop.
Moose Shot brewing where you can see
every shooter tries tries a drop."
"Up on the mountaintop
mule deer pause,
English flint clamped in my gun's jaws.
Down against the frizzen
with lots of sparks,
A puffy white cloud,
makes the flintlock's bark."
"Grandma got run over by a roundball.
While casting lead at our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as big bores,
but as for me and Squire Robin, we believe."
"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Flint Locks,
My Two Flint Locks, Yes My Two Flint Locks"
"Load the Hawken's with patched round balls.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la"
"It's the most wonderful way to take deer.
When you load round balls,
and rattling antler calls,
Brings the big bucks near,
It's the most wonderful way to take deer."
"Rock locks around the Christmas tree
at the Custom Flintlock shop.
Moose Shot brewing where you can see
every shooter tries tries a drop."
"Up on the mountaintop
mule deer pause,
English flint clamped in my gun's jaws.
Down against the frizzen
with lots of sparks,
A puffy white cloud,
makes the flintlock's bark."
"Grandma got run over by a roundball.
While casting lead at our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as big bores,
but as for me and Squire Robin, we believe."
54mountain
45 Cal.
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2006
- Messages
- 738
- Reaction score
- 5
Over the river and through the woods, To Bridger's fort we go.......
I tot I ta a mountain man? I did I did I did tee a mountain man
"Tweety Bird"
I tot I ta a mountain man? I did I did I did tee a mountain man
"Tweety Bird"
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2006
- Messages
- 724
- Reaction score
- 24
my philophsy: scotch, woman and gun powder...
of course not all at once.... :grin:
of course not all at once.... :grin:
- Joined
- May 9, 2005
- Messages
- 5,147
- Reaction score
- 26
I can only imagine the number of "self inflicted" wounds has jus gotta grow OVER THERE! :shake:
Russ T Frizzen
70 Cal.
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2004
- Messages
- 5,007
- Reaction score
- 423
What an udderly amusing thought!! :rotf:
(apologies to the dead parrot sketch)
A customer enters a gun shop.
Musketman: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner Stumpkiller does not respond.)
Musketman: 'Ello, Miss?
Stumpkiller: What do you mean "miss"?
Musketman: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Stumpkiller: We're closin' for lunch.
Musketman: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this traditional muzzleloader what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very gunshop.
Stumpkiller: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hawken...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Musketman: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. its an Inline, that's what's wrong with it!
Stumpkiller: No, no, it's uh,...Hawken.
Musketman: Look, matey, I know a Inline rifle when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Stumpkiller: No no its not an Inline, its, its a Hawken! Remarkable gun, the J&S Hawken, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plastic grain!
Musketman: The plastic grain don't enter into it. It's still an Inline.
Stumpkiller: Nononono, no, no! It's a Hawken!
Musketman: All right then, if it's a Hawken, I'll load him up! (grabbing for a #11 percussion cap) 'Ello, Mister Hawken! I've got a lovely fresh percussion cap for you if you shoot...
(Stumpkiller hits the stock)
Stumpkiller: There, it works!
Musketman: No, it doesn't, that was you hitting the stock!
Stumpkiller: I never!!
Musketman: Yes, you did!
Stumpkiller: I never, never did anything...
Musketman: (yelling and hitting the stock repeatedly) 'ELLO HAWKEN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Inline out of the package and thumps its barrel on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Musketman: Now that's what I call a damn Inline.
Stumpkiller: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
Musketman: STUNNED?!?
Stumpkiller: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was loosening up! J&S Hawken's stun easily, major.
Musketman: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That muzzleloader is definitely an Inline, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of traditional lines was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged shooting spree.
Stumpkiller: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for the rendevous.
Musketman: PININ' for the RENDEVOUS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall off the gun rack and flat on his back the moment I got it home?
Stumpkiller: The J&S Hawken's prefers keepin' on their backs! Remarkable muzzleloader, id'nit, squire? Lovely plastic grain!
Musketman: Look, I took the liberty of examining that plastic grained stock when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been attached to the barrel in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Stumpkiller: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that stock down, it would have nuzzled up to your shoulder, bent your arm with the recoil, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Musketman: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this muzzleloader wouldn't "voom" if you put four million grains of FFFg through it! It's a bleedin' Inline!
Stumpkiller: No no! It's a Hawken!
Musketman: It's not a Hawken! It's an Inline! This muzzleloader is no more a traditional rifle than I am! It is made of plastic and stainless steel! It's new and uses 209 primers! It's an Inline! Removable breech, 'e comes in pieces for easy cleaning! If I shot it with the nailed stock I'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is modern design, not 'istory! It's not made with wood! It's kicked the sidelock, 'e's shuffled with pellets, run down the barrel and joined the bullet with sabots!! THIS IS A EX-TRADITIONAL MUZZLELOADER!!
(pause)
Stumpkiller: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Hawkens.
Musketman: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Stumpkiller: I got a old slug barrel.
(pause)
Musketman: Pray, does it shoot?
Stumpkiller: Nnnnot really.
Musketman: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Stumpkiller: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Musketman: Well.
(pause)
Stumpkiller: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to go shooting at my place?
Musketman: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
A customer enters a gun shop.
Musketman: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner Stumpkiller does not respond.)
Musketman: 'Ello, Miss?
Stumpkiller: What do you mean "miss"?
Musketman: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Stumpkiller: We're closin' for lunch.
Musketman: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this traditional muzzleloader what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very gunshop.
Stumpkiller: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hawken...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Musketman: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. its an Inline, that's what's wrong with it!
Stumpkiller: No, no, it's uh,...Hawken.
Musketman: Look, matey, I know a Inline rifle when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Stumpkiller: No no its not an Inline, its, its a Hawken! Remarkable gun, the J&S Hawken, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plastic grain!
Musketman: The plastic grain don't enter into it. It's still an Inline.
Stumpkiller: Nononono, no, no! It's a Hawken!
Musketman: All right then, if it's a Hawken, I'll load him up! (grabbing for a #11 percussion cap) 'Ello, Mister Hawken! I've got a lovely fresh percussion cap for you if you shoot...
(Stumpkiller hits the stock)
Stumpkiller: There, it works!
Musketman: No, it doesn't, that was you hitting the stock!
Stumpkiller: I never!!
Musketman: Yes, you did!
Stumpkiller: I never, never did anything...
Musketman: (yelling and hitting the stock repeatedly) 'ELLO HAWKEN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Inline out of the package and thumps its barrel on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Musketman: Now that's what I call a damn Inline.
Stumpkiller: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
Musketman: STUNNED?!?
Stumpkiller: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was loosening up! J&S Hawken's stun easily, major.
Musketman: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That muzzleloader is definitely an Inline, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of traditional lines was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged shooting spree.
Stumpkiller: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for the rendevous.
Musketman: PININ' for the RENDEVOUS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall off the gun rack and flat on his back the moment I got it home?
Stumpkiller: The J&S Hawken's prefers keepin' on their backs! Remarkable muzzleloader, id'nit, squire? Lovely plastic grain!
Musketman: Look, I took the liberty of examining that plastic grained stock when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been attached to the barrel in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Stumpkiller: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that stock down, it would have nuzzled up to your shoulder, bent your arm with the recoil, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Musketman: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this muzzleloader wouldn't "voom" if you put four million grains of FFFg through it! It's a bleedin' Inline!
Stumpkiller: No no! It's a Hawken!
Musketman: It's not a Hawken! It's an Inline! This muzzleloader is no more a traditional rifle than I am! It is made of plastic and stainless steel! It's new and uses 209 primers! It's an Inline! Removable breech, 'e comes in pieces for easy cleaning! If I shot it with the nailed stock I'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is modern design, not 'istory! It's not made with wood! It's kicked the sidelock, 'e's shuffled with pellets, run down the barrel and joined the bullet with sabots!! THIS IS A EX-TRADITIONAL MUZZLELOADER!!
(pause)
Stumpkiller: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Hawkens.
Musketman: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Stumpkiller: I got a old slug barrel.
(pause)
Musketman: Pray, does it shoot?
Stumpkiller: Nnnnot really.
Musketman: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Stumpkiller: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Musketman: Well.
(pause)
Stumpkiller: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to go shooting at my place?
Musketman: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
