Times have changed.
> >In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
> >United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
> >over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
> >Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
> >
> >
> >He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the
> >Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
> >
> >Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
> >... but no ark.
> >
> >"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
> >
> >"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a
> >building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need
> >for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
> >neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
> >the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board
> >for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
> >be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
> >obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I
> >argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
> >of it.
> >
> >Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
> >trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
> >environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
> >
> >When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights
> >group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their
> >will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it
> >was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
> >
> >Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
> >an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
> >
> >I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
> >on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
> >
> >Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
> >hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.
> >
> >To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
> >to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
> >
> >So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to
> >finish this Ark."
> >
> >Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> >stretched across the sky.
> >
> >Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to
> >destroy the world?".
> >
> >"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
> >
> >
>