Wrote this on another forum using a bit of comical releif,,,,,,
in the event that you dont have brains you can use a good tanning oil sold by any taxidermy supply company.The most important step is wringing, the brains have to pass thru and over each individual fiber or you will get hard spots.
I'm going to teach you how to brain tan. Yes, thats correct, brain tan. Once you figure this out you'll toss every hide you have in the trash and scream AAAAHHHH at the top of your lungs! You’ll kick the dog, snatch the tail of your cat, and basically have a bad attitude towards fur'd things all together.
Step 1. Kill somthing. Easy enough, but make it big enough to bother with, like a deer or somthing.
step 2. skin it, try like heck not to use the knife to much and leave any marks, flesh or fat on the skin.
step 3. Salt the skin down and hang it over night. Ya, ya, I know, salting sets the hair. But it also makes the knife grab the membrane better and makes it easier to peal off.
step 4. Invest in a bottle of whiskey, yer gona need it.
step 5. After you have all the membrane, flesh and fat off the inside of the skin, take a bucket and dump like 10 gallons of water into it. Add about a pound of hydrated lime. You can use wood ash but it takes longer to do it with wood ash.
step 6. for about 3 days to a month keep stirring the bucket with the stinky nasty, smelly, ugly hide in it until the hair will slough off by just wiping your hand against the grain. use a glove or your hand will smell like dead stuff for a very long time.
step 7. Now that the hair has started to slip, and your nearing retirement, lay the skin slick side down and use your dull knife to scrape not only the hair off, but also the epidermis, or however you spell it, at the same time. The reason you do this is so you can tell people "Heck ya, I can brain tan like a pro, and I get lotsa stretch outa my hides. Kinda like the IRS gets lotsa cash outa our wallets.(you'll need a fleshing beam)
Go over the hide a few times, after all, it will only take you about four hours to get all that manure off of the skin the first go round, whats 8 more hours?
step 8. Now that you are crippled and have carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands, take the hide and rinse it in cold water. Then take about 10 gallons of good water, the stuff we aint got much of and is sinful to waste, and dump it in the bucket. No wait, rinse the dang bucket out first. ya, like that. Now, pour in about a pint of viniger. Stir it up good and let the skin swim around in it over night.
step 9. Take the brains you saved,... whatya mean ya didnt save the brains? Geeze, they call it brain tanning for a reason ya know.
Come up with some brains from somewhere, anywhere, no not your next of kin, or brotherinlaw, and put em in a blender. Then add like a cup or two of hot water and turn on the blender. WAIT Dangit! Put the lid on first.Slurry it up real good.
step 10. Take the skin outa the viniger water, no, you cant use the water to mix a salad dressing afterward, thats pushing it don't ya think? Anyway, rinse the skin again in water you don't have enough of to waste, and then wring the skin out real good, twist it up, wrap it around two sticks and twist it so it's like damn near dry.
step 11. Then take the dried up shrivled thing that used to be a deer hide that was as big as a buick and place it it the warm brain slurry. Squish it around real good and then make sure you squish it around again so the brains get sucked up into it real good.
step 12. Let it sit in there over night, after wringin it out you'll start drinking heavely and will need the night to recover from the hangover you'll have. Your brain will hurt, that way you'll know your doin it right.
step 13. Now, take the hide out of the brain slurry and wring it about again, ya, I know you did that, but you have to do it again. Heck, I don't know why, just do what yer told.
step 14. Ok, now you have this dried up shrively thing that again used to be a deer skin, and it looks like a dried up piece of thing that used to be a deer skin, so it must be a dried up shrively thing that is a deer skin. Now you take it and start pulling it in all directions and watch it stretch and turn white. You keep doing this until it is nice and soft and your whiskey bottle is about 1/2 empty. Keep pulling and stretching the hide until it is nice and soft and your bottle of whiskey is empty, and yer done!
Next time we'll go over why you need to smoke the brain tanned hide and why you'll be a member of AA by the time your done! Until next time, always remember, A beer is a terrible thing to waste!
I brain tan about 100 skins a year and its not as difficult as it sounds. After you have tanned a few of them you'll develope a pattern that will make it easier as it goes along. On a good day I can get about 4 done. Larger skins like elk, moose, bison will require you to build a frame for breaking them down.